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Civil War Joke!

Here's a good joke that epitomizes what the Civil War is for some.

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Oregon-Oregon State game from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at Autzen Stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 45-yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Civil War game and not use it?

The man replies, "Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she just passed away. This is the first Civil War game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1957."

"Wow, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

Civil War Joke #2

BREAKING NEWS: Terror Alert in Eugene

Eugene, OR - - University of Oregon football practice was delayed nearly two hours this morning after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Mike Bellotti immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators.

After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the GOAL LINE . Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again this season.

Civil War Joke #3

A Poignant Story - played out, I am sure, dozens of times in town after town across Oregon.

Billy was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up-fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he goes home with some guy and makes love with him for money. "

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some other task while she took little Billy aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Billy, "He's working for the University of Oregon football team, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids..."

More Civil War Jokes

What does a duck fan say to a Beaver fan? Can I have your empties?

Last week, an F-5 tornado ripped through the city of Eugene. Damages were estimated at $5.

Ice is no longer available at Autzen Stadium and Mac Court. The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

Why do Oregon graduates put their diplomas on the dashboards of their cars? So they can park in the handicap spaces.

Earlier this week U of O women began showing up with little red dots covering their faces and their bodies. Doctors were mystified about the dots and began running extensive tests on the girls. Finally, the doctors concluded that the dots were actually left by 10 ft poles!

How do you get to U of O from OSU? Head south until you smell it and east until you step in it.

What's the difference between a Duck girl and an elephant? About 10 pounds.

How do you make it even? Force feed the elephant.

What has 20 legs and 3 teeth? The first row of fans in Autzen Stadium

Why was OJ headed for Eugene in the slow white Bronco? The authorities would never look for a Heisman trophy winner there.

Two Duck fans were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Duck fan said, "Those are deer tracks." The second Duck fan said, "No. They're two big to be deer tracks. They must be elk tracks." As they were arguing back and forth they got hit by the train.

What's black and blue and goes tha-dump, tha-dump, tha-dump? A Duck in a dryer.

Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the Cougar hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for WSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Husky threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U of W!". Seeing this, the Beaver walked over and shouted "This is for everyone!", and pushed the Duck off the side of the mountain.

How do you get a Duck Grad off of your front porch? Pay for the pizza!

A duck was driving North from Eugene at the same time a Beaver was driving South from Corvallis and they happened to meet head-on in a horrible crash on I-5. Miraculously, both climbed out of the steaming wreckage...their bodies intact. They examined the twisted metal and realized that they were truly lucky to be alive. The Duck said, "This must be a sign from God that we should end the bitter rivalry that we have had since the beginning of time." The Beaver agreed...he went to his trunk and pulled out an unbroken bottle of whiskey. "This is truly remarkable," he said, "God must want us to toast our new-found friendship." He twisted the cap off and handed the bottle to the Duck, who took several big swigs, wiped his chin and handed the bottle back. The Beaver replaced the cap, and without a word, put the bottle back into his trunk. "Aren't you going to celebrate our luck?" asked the Duck. Nah, I thing I'll just wait for the troopers to get here"

What does a duck grad call a Beaver grad? Boss.

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Oregon Duck. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Ducks too. No one really knowing what an Oregon Duck was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Duck." Then, asks the teacher, "What are you? "Why, I'm a proud Oregon State Beaver," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel. "Well, my mom and dad are Beavers, so I'm a Beaver too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. Would you be a moron too?" A pause, and a smile. "No, then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Duck!"

What did the Duck graduate say when he looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh looky! Donut seeds!"

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